moving in with mom after dad died moving in with mom after dad died

I had also cried too many nights when I see him suffering for the hurtful things that they had done or said to him the few times that they talk or argue. I feel he has been deceptive with my mother and with me. My mom died in 2005 and my dad went on a date 3 weeks later. She is a horrible woman. He insists on talking about this woman non-stop and wants our families (including several grandchildren aged 8 to 14) to spend time with her. My kids were. He broke when she died, but so did he. She was 50. Its not unusual for unintended resentments to arise in situations such as yours, and it may be helpful to know that you do have some control over this situation. My father said he did not want her to do it but he was 86 and she was 88. In addition, her other sister lives on the same street, across the driveway, from my dad. I asked where is this all coming from he says he has the need for speed. Since he can no longer drive she holds all the power. Its been a little over 4 years since my mothers death. Alas, my father is haunting me from his grave. You shouldnt have to be at such a Situation! Her and I had a petty argument on something so stupid. I can love my life I had and respect that I need companionship and passion in my new life. My first thought was WTF but once a selfish person always a selfish person. Some people says thats long enough but i dont feel that way. I did not mind that he was dating it all comes down, to who he is dating. A therapist sounds like it could help, but I know theres no changing my dads mind or attitude about anything. Things we liked, or maybe even didn't like about her, moments we had, things we'll miss. I think the worst thing to do would be to follow my instincts and just never see her, and by extension, him, again. Well, that is not exactly true. .css-ssumvd{display:block;font-family:Gilroy,Helvetica,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:1.0625rem;font-weight:bold;line-height:1.25;margin-bottom:0;margin-top:0;-webkit-text-decoration:none;text-decoration:none;}@media (any-hover: hover){.css-ssumvd:hover{color:link-hover;}}@media(min-width: 40.625rem){.css-ssumvd{letter-spacing:0rem;margin-top:0.9375rem;}}Bridal Shower Gifts for Unique Brides, Letter from Gen X to a Millennial: It Gets Easier, A Timeline of Oprah and Stedmans Long Romance. Sometimes men can suspend reality. Finally, we had a 3 hour discussion where I was able to say how I felt about everything for the past 8 years. It made the situation so much worse. Its up to him. We were not rich but we did not want for much. Maybe help her out around the house. We suffered with them too as well as all the family members. Follow My dad passed away from throat cancer in Feb, just 4 months ago. Huge fake boobs, huge fake lips, and annorexic-like 95 pounds with these huge double ds that made her look like a porn star. What will I do? she said. We still have disagreements and I cant stand to see him showing affection towards her, but I want to have a relationship with my dad. Or call 18665650065 between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. However that does not mean the living spouse is to stop their life. I dont understand what my children are feeling because I have not lost a parent so to sit here and say that I understand what you are going thru I cant. I really have no bad feelings for her, I am just hurt and mad at my dad for putting my family and me through this. He claims he wants to do what he wants before he dies. I did asked for financially assistance but He believes that we are rich knowingly that we are unemployment. My father fawned over her and treated her like a goddess. I have no desire to be alone and lonely in my older years and neither does he. As I reflect on the past five years, I've remembered some things and forgotten others; I've grown; I've surprised myself in a lot of ways. Of course I can only speculate but you may find that the threats involve removing you from his will or something. Please dont ever tell your spouse or children that you dont want them to ever get married again if you die, I dont think that is the right thing to say to anyone. Is the number one destination for online dating with more It feels like he is abandoning us! We have to live it the best we can and not have any regrets later on. I dont want to have to cut him out of my life, but I am very angry with him for choosing his own happiness right now over his adult children, who are aching for his support. I still have to remind myself that feeling guilty is not productive. And he is happy. I sent a letter apologizing for my part in the argument and for hurting her feelings in the past, and Ive tried calling just to talk. Am I crazy for feeling so disgusted? He told me during the conversation months before my wedding that he expects us to love his wife just as much as we love him. I honestly did not know that after the funeral and her burial that I could ever feel so much pain inside again. Just understand she lost her life partner, and that's a low blow. Be the first to know what's trending, straight from Elite Daily, 13 St. Patrick's Day Drink Recipes From TikTok That Are Pure Gold, I Tried Jeni's 'Ted Lasso' Ice Cream, & These Biscuits Are Life, Tour All The 'Daisy Jones & The Six' Filming Locations IRL, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Life is short. Scott suggested giving your stepson concrete check-ins about his move-out status, and boundaries for the time being as you continue to cohabitate. Not by talking to him doing that means you have to let him talk back or pretend he is tired or distracted or not well or busy or whatever it takes to not listen (most likely piling guilt on you). It's really, to eat, and. My dad started using Facebook and was always on it. They are accepting of his new relationship whereas I am not. I feel that the only way to achieve some kind of middle ground here, is to accept what is happening, support my Father-in-law in his happiness, and be positive for my husband and his siblings. I fly down as often as I can but this last time he told me not to come down bc (girlfriend) will be there. Sadly, Mom passed away in 2002 from that awful C wordCancer. When my mom died, my biggest sadness was not for myself, but for my dad. She would try to hug me which I finally just had to ask her to stop doing. One week after my mother passed a women that was a member at the same club as my parents contacted my dad to send her condolences, saying she had just found out about my mom. WebWhile it's reasonable to ask him to find his own place because money isn't an issue, you can't expect him to leave on the spot. I just pray so much that the lady he is dating is the woman she says she is and that she and I can find a way to bond over common interests. Despite the fact that she tried to be affectionate at first, she has never called me to ask how I am doing or how my children are doing. The family has been told by word or deed that their pain and suffering is secondary to the new romance. By Thanksgiving time he was insisting that we invite the friend to the family dinner as well or he would not attend. he sold his home and moved into the womans house. He goes to dancing every Tues night. She didnt shed one tear at his death bed or funeral and has been out with one of his friends who carried the coffin within weeks of Dads death (only on occasional basis as he has a complicated relationship with someone else whatever) and I have not stopped her. Because if he were to be gone tomarrow I would regret not trying. I lost my Mom to cancer at the end of 2010. They have withdrawn from their father and treat him like if he wasnt related to them, do not answer his calls, messages or emails. Shortly after she moved in with them, our father who was suffering from Alzheimers Disease/dementia was transferred to a nursing home close to our parents home. For him, its not good enough that we have a nice relationship with her he wants us to be one big, happy, loving family. You do not exist to subsidize your mother's life. Does she have good credit, or credit in general? However I am pretty blessed that my mother never seem to mention any issue. I defy anyone to say that this does not demonstrate an obscene lack of decorum and sensitivity. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. We enjoyed many of the same things, and were eager to try some new ones. I dont understand her and I never will. Let me be clear- Ive never asked this woman to do a thing a for me and I never will. I will never tell them their feelings dont matter. Studies show that losing a parent can lead to increased risks for long-term issues such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. Knowing that this person would throw you to the wolves if it would please her makes it hard to have a cheery disposition. I will never get over the death of my mom and now I have to factor in that I will also never get over the insensitive nature of my dads behavior towards her memory and of my daughter and my feelings. The pain may fade but it will not go away. I am on-line trying to find information and guidance on how best to reconcile my love for my daughter, the need my boys have for a mother figure (they absolutely love her by the way), and how to explore the possibilities of a life with this woman. My mom is very smart and resourceful, and she went from that to hopelessness almost overnight. Would I want the man to tell his daughter that they had to get over it and deal with it? But for right now I am ok with at least being able to see my father periodically and trying. Let have them do it know when he also knew that what she wanted and my Brother and my son were on there way, and should of been there by noon. 2) little or no regard for your dead wifes family and their grief especially after they were there to support both of you before, during and after her illness; You lost someone too. I know , not as terrible as it is for you, yes, because you lost your mother and now you feel you are losing your dad. True I have never lost a husband so I cant judge. Before he left, he promised he would only be a phone call away. she brushed it off bc due to the market she didnt think wed get a place we could afford..but then she received a letter in the mail a week or so later stating she was losing 600 a month due to my middle sister turning 18, she came storming into my room demanding my husband & I start paying what shed be losing monthly to her in rent. For you need to keep in honor her passing. People deserve to be happy but that does not mean they should forget their children. And kicked the dog out of his bedroom. Nice. I felt that Dad was not supportive & after my mom death He drifted further . My dad died 18 months ago and Mum has just joined a dating agency. She flat out told him that she did not want to hear about her, she wanted to know what he had been up to. He focuses his energy on what is right in front of him and never really considers how he is affecting anyone else. Even before he met me they didnt want him to socialize with anyone else. Instead, he announced his engagement a mere 3 month and 3 weeks after her death. I want to meet his daughters, I dont want to replace his late wife. He sees my distress and is powerless to act. My brother and I are still grieving the loss of our mother 4 months ago. Your mother and dad was back at my general theme in a girl lost my mom started dating a new relationship, all our posts. I would even approve of someone who is from our church- not some stranger who feels comfortable enough to fly over on a whim to visit an online friend or whatever so quickly. It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman. P.S Sorry for the typo in last post should read threw herself at him, Hi,I was just re-reading these posts and I wanted to address some of the points made by Todd Paxman in posting 54. I explained that feeling to my step-dad, and told him he is immediately to call me if he thinks he's going down that path. She is not my family. The issue is that I cant spend time with him without his girlfriend and the baby hovering around too. My mom passes away last July. My sister and I tried telling my dad that we werent ready for this and we were still grieving our mother, but he insisted that he had to do what was right for him. Well, I overextended myself. I agree that we just feel the way we feel. But we dont live in a perfect world. There was a huge blow out after my wedding because my dad disrespected my wishes to not have his wife as part of my procession. I found all of this out the first day of my last semester in college. I HAVE BEEN READING YOUR PAINFUL EXPERIENCES,MINE IS SIMIALR PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND THE PAIN IM IN.I HIDE IT NOW. Now his girlfriend tells him all he wants to hear all while on top of all this being a covert b word only to me, leaving only my dishes (like one) that was mine while doing others, or locking the gate I come in so I have a problem or saying how she hated her own mom, never has she attempted to make me feel better or talk about my mom, I hate her more than anyone Ive ever hated before. I was very honest with him about my feelings as well, talking about how upset it makes me that neither of my parents will be around to see me get married, or have children, things like that. Kobe bryant's death of death of her palliative care nurse for a whiskey-drinking. So now I am stuck with discovering my new relationship between my father and myself where we barely talk to each other, and see each other less. Your choice. We do not live together.We both had spouses that die under the terrible cancer disease. Consider whether this is a kind and good person or whether you are grabbing a passing life raft. Trust me though, if something happens to her, hell come running back looking for his family to support him again and then the ball will be in your court. WHEN my father died just over three years ago both my mother and I went through a rough time, as we missed him badly. Ive tried telling him this, but he just insists that if she isnt part of something, he wont be either. I pushed him a little to spend more time with his family, his siblings and children from a previous marriage, and now he spends nearly every weekend with them. But from your comments, I believe we each feel pretty much the same. Then, they got married, and DIDNT INVITE US TO THE WEDDING! My dad had threated to leave her a few weeks after this, she begged shed change and she told me TO BACK OFF IF I WANT MY FATHER HAPPY i did. I am trying so hard to listen to him and be there for him, but he only talks about these new women- and its breaking my heart. I later learned she did not want me to come around. You have every right to have your own place! To say I was shocked beyond words is an understatement. Over these three years ive feel as the world is a very lonesome place without her and what i thought was a tight family was false. Sure, I want him to be happy, but does he really have to be so doggone thrilled and gleeful about it? All he talked about was this womans body and how she works out everyday and she is model material. Even I never expected his woman friend would be so callous as to abdicate all responsibility after 35 years of being together. Ive also been told that my mother didnt like her. Your relationship may not last but the pain will most certainly endure. The #selfcare hashtag brings up over 11 million posts on, Have you ever said to yourself, I just want this moment to last forever? You can turn this sentiment into a, How do you feel now that your parent has been transitioned to a long-term care/nursing home? Dear Susan Musselwhite, I hear you and I get it. On this point I beg to differ. Its ok to be sad/messed up! I have a huge problem with this. Watching her stop breathing for 10 seconds and all of us thinking she was gone and all of a tsudden take a breath. He invited her in. Anyway my dad has been staying over at her house for probably over a year now. Where is her income? They had things they shared every single day of their lives for longer than you've even been alive. I felt so desperately sad and alone for so long, for all the reasons the previous posters have stated. I wanted to punch her in the face because she followed up that statement with she loved my father and next thanks giving would be better. Sometimes youre sailing smooth, and sometimes you get stuck in the mud. Im trying not to blow up over this but her actions have made me so angry and my father knows that. And mind you im her only niece from my mom.She had a spots car she lost. Lifestyle 6 Things That Helped Me Survive After My Father Passed Away by Kelly Weatherwax Jan. 14, 2015 Andreas Gradin I awoke to my mother repeatedly yelling in desperation, Bob! I was not comfortable with the relationship however as suggested I tried to form a friendship. I had bad exam results. I lost my wife after a sudden, five-month illness. We met when I was 17 and we had been together for 42 years. I loved her completely. Grief is a t Even my 18 year old daughter says about her granddad, Hea acting like a teenage who just broke up with his girlfriend and is in a rebound relationship. Only, his girlfriend was his wife for 54+ years. I realize that you cant always make everyone happy and eventually you have to be in charge of your own happiness, but it is important to talk with those close to you and try to understand what they are feeling and also the reverse, have the children try and understand what the spouse is feeling.